Crazy Drivers

Nothing proves more entertaining to me than crazy drivers.  Have you ever found yourself following a driver who is enraged by the car/driver in front of them?  (I know, that was hard to follow, right?)  Today, as I was happily singing along to Christmas songs on my way to the store, I witnessed a person wildly gesturing at the car in front of him/her.  Did I mention I was driving through a neighborhood area so the speed limit was 25 miles per hour and also one heavily patroled by local police.  After following both cars a good two miles, I see the driver in the car ahead of me making overly-dramatic applause signals to the first car as he/she turns.  Then, "crazy" driver lays on his horn and shoots this person the bird.  What????  

Admittedly, I typically drive pretty fast--but even I know there are some places you have to abide by the speed limits.  And, I understand frustration when drivers go under the posted speed limit.  But, since such was not the case, I surmised that crazy driver must be in a hurry.  You can imagine my delight, then, when I have the privilege of following him another 2-3 miles on a stretch of road filled with traffic lights.  I imagine he was seething as he sped off after the first fella turned--only to end up at a red light.  I giggled in pure delight and smirked at the reflection in his rear-view mirror every time I came up to the light and stopped behind him.   I even gave him a little toot and obnoxious wave at each light...a little reminder that all his foolishness did not get him to his final destination any faster.  Yeah, it doesn't take much to amuse me these days...

There's Really Nothing on TV

Why is it that when you have free time and can actually watch tv, there's nothing good to watch?  Tonight, for example, I found myself faced with all reruns on my favorite shows.  Feeling adventurous, I decided to check the Discovery Channel.  Surely there would be something educational there, right?  Um...not exactly.  Have you ever caught a glimpse (as I can't imagine one sitting through much more than that!) of "Freaky Eaters"?  Basically, the show follows some poor soul with a strange food addiction and pairs said fool with a couple of therapists.  Tonight's episode revolved around a girl who consumes 24 cans of cola per day.  And I thought I had a problem with Doritos!  Ha!  I only watched the last five minutes but it was enough to realize I'll never get those 5 precious minutes back.  More laughable was the dramatization of the next episode--a girl who had been eating french fries daily for 26 years.  I can't make this stuff up.  Discovery Channel personnel--repeat after me--I will not create show ideas after drinking heavily.  I will not create show ideas after drinking heavily.  I will not....

Doritos: Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner

Are you a healthy eater?  Do you buy your groceries in the organic section and shop the perimeter of the store--choosing only fresh fruit, veggies and dairy items?  I WISH I had that type of willpower.  While I'm not a terrible eater and I manage to stick with mostly healthy items, I have a huge weakness for snacks.  Specifically--Doritos.  I blame my friend, Becky, for this junk food addiction.  We started religiously buying these delectable treats every time we planned a sleepover (starting in middle school).  We're in our late-thirties now yet we still make it a golden rule to have Doritos on hand when visiting one another. 

How do I love thee?  Well, I'd start with breakfast if I could.  Clearly, Doritos in the morning are not the typical fare.   Have I, though, indulged in said snack in the morning hours?  YES.  However, once I married my health-conscious husband, I reduced my relationship with Doritos tremendously.  Every once in a while, I was able to sneak a bag in the shopping cart when he wasn't looking.  Seldom did he share my urge for all things triangular and cheesy.  Instead, he'd remind me of the better choices. 

So what's a girl to do when her grocery-abiding hubby is living in another state??  Quite frankly, she pounds Doritos by the bag.  Shameful, right?  I bought the bag on Monday and they are all gone (it's Friday!).  Did I share them with my five year old and almost 2 year old?  Nope!  I chowed on them when they were sleeping.  Am I embarrassed?  I'll answer that when I'm done licking the cheesy-goodness off my fingers.  :)

Play Date

Today began a new routine.  I'm officially part time again so I had the opportunity to spend the day with my almost 2 year old.  So rarely does he get my full attention when big brother is around.  But, with the kindergartener off at school, my toddler took full advantage of mommy's attention.  What fun we had building towers with blocks, reading books, playing trains, and walking to the park.  My little guy is quite expressive and always lets me know when he's having a good time.  Smiles, giggles, full-out belly laughs---these are the treasures in life.  Am I the luckiest mommy or what?

Where We Live

Recently, the hubby interviewed for a job in Iowa.  Iowa?  I've seen it on the map but cannot remember ever driving through the state or even wanting to go there.  A co-worker told me of a friend who lived there once.  She said the woman wept when she saw a newspaper advertisement boasting that "Iowa has more hogs than people".  Wow!    I'm thinking the travel and tourism folks may consider leaving that gem out of their future brochures.  At any rate, I vascillate between hope and despair when I think about moving. 

I should mention that I live in Ohio--yet another non-descript four-letter state that likely fails to evoke images of advanced technology or cutting edge style.  In fact, as much as I'd like to make fun of THOSE mid-westerners, I should be more aware of our similiarities.  Cornfields?  Check!  Farms?  Check!  Flat land for as far as the eye can see?  Check!  Why, then, do I feel compelled to think so negatively of a place I've never been?  I'm certain there's a wife somewhere in Colorado listening to her husband talk of the charms of Ohio.  Yet if she could interact with the people and understand the charms of a simple state...

Ok, I'll give it a chance.  But they better have a TJ Maxx within a 10 mile radius!

Is this Real Life?

Ever have one of those days, weeks or years when you feel like you are sleeping walking through life?  Some how, reality feels obscure and you hope you are dreaming.  It's been that kind of a month for me.  In fact, if life threw any more curve balls my way, I might believe I've stepped up to the mound in some crazy baseball game.  What on earth happened?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was ten--carefree and clueless?  Back then, I believed that playing by the rules would pay handsome dividends later on.  I believed everyone was kind and we would all hold hands and sing (like Pepsi commercials).  Then, somehow, you wake up and you are sitting in a traffic jam while some road rager is blaring his/her horn and shooting you the stink eye.  Oh, how I long for my utopian perspective of youth.  Perhaps that's why we have children?  They remind us of how we USED to be hopeful and oblivious to the naysayers.  Today, I embrace my inner child and say "When I grow up, I'm going to give homeless people flowers."